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Fanatik Männlich

Meister des Ordens

Beiträge: 3 724

Vorname: Wolf

Wohnort: Hamburg


Mittwoch, 20. August 2008, 23:08

Star Trek - Top 10 Dinge zum Hassen

Top 10 Things I Hate About Star Trek

10. Noisy doors.
You can't walk three feet in a starship without some door whooshing or screeching at you. My office building has automatic sliding doors. They're dead silent. If those doors went "wheet!" every time a person walked through them, about once a month some guy in accounting would snap and go on a shooting rampage. Sorry Scotty, the IEEE has revoked your membership until you learn to master WD-40

9. The Federation.
This organization creeps me out. A planet-wide government that runs everything, and that has abolished money. A veritable planetary DMV. Oh sure, it looks like a cool place when you're rocketing around in a Federation Starship, but I wonder how the guy driving a Federation dump truck feels about it?

And everyone has to wear those spandex uniforms. Here's an important fact: Most people, you don't want to see them in spandex. You'd pay good money to not have to see them. If money hadn't been abolished, that is. So you're screwed.

8. Reversing the Polarity.
For cripes sake Giordi, stop reversing the polarity of everything! It might work once in a while, but usually it just screws things up. I have it on good authority that the technicians at Starbase 12 HATE that. Every time the Enterprise comes in for its 10,000 hour checkup, they've gotta go through the whole damned ship fixing stuff. "What happened to the toilet in Stateroom 3?" "Well, the plumbing backed up, and Giordi thought he could fix it by reversing the polarity."

Between Scotty's poor lubrication habits and Geordi's damned polarity reversing trick, it's a wonder the Enterprise doesn't just spontaneously explode whenever they put the juice to it.

7. Seatbelts.
Yeah, I know this one is overdone, but you'd think that the first time an explosion caused the guy at the nav station to fly over the captain's head with a good 8 feet of clearance, someone would say, "You know, we might think of inventing some furutistic restraining device to prevent that from happening." So of course, they did make something like that for the second Enterprise (the first one blew up due to poor lubrication), but what was it? A hard plastic thing that's locked over your thighs. Oh, I'll bet THAT feels good in the corners. "Hey look! The leg-bars worked as advertised! There goes Kirk's torso!"

6. No fuses.
Every time there's a power surge on the Enterprise the various stations and consoles explode in a shower of sparks and throw their seatbelt-less operators over Picard's head. If we could get Giordi to stop reversing the polarity for a minute, we could get him to go shopping at the nearest Starship parts store and pick up a few fuses. And while he's shopping, he could stop at an intergalactic IKEA and pick up a few chairs for the bridge personnel. If you're going to put me in front of a fuseless exploding console all day, the least you could do is let me sit down.

5. Rule by committee.
Here's the difference between Star Trek and the best SF show on TV last year:

Star Trek:

Picard: "Arm photon torpedoes!"
Riker: "Captain! Are you sure that's wise?"
Troi: "Captain! I'm picking up conflicting feelings about this! And, it appears that you're a 'fraidy cat."
Wesley: "Captain, I'm just an annoying punk, but I thought I should say something."
Worf: "Captain, can I push the button? This is giving me a big Klingon warrior chubby."
Giordi: "Captain, I think we should reverse the polarity on them first."
Picard: "I'm so confused. I'm going to go to my stateroom and look


Captain: "Let's shoot them."
Crewman: "Are you sure that's wise?"
Captain: "Do you know what the chain of command is? It's the chain I'll BEAT YOU WITH until you realize who's in command."
Crewman: "Aye Aye, sir!"

4. A Star Trek quiz:
Kirk, Spock, McCoy, and 'Ensign Gomez' beam down to a planet. Which one isn't coming back?

3. Technobabble.
The other night, I couldn't get my car to start. I solved the problem by reversing the polarity of the car battery, and routing the power through my satellite dish. The resulting subspace plasma caused a rift in the space-time continuum, which created a quantum tunnelling effect that charged the protons in the engine core, thus starting my car. Child's play, really. As a happy side-effect, I also now get the Spice Channel for free.

2. The Holodeck.
I mean, it's cool and all. But do you really believe that people would use it to re-create Sherlock Holmes mysteries and old-west saloons? Come on, we all know what the holodeck would be used for. And we also know what the worst job on the Enterprise would be: Having to squeegie the holodeck clean.

1. The Prime Directive.
How stupid is this? Remember when Marvin the Martian was going to blow up the Earth, because it obstructed his view of Venus? And how Bugs Bunny stopped him by stealing the Illudium Q36 Space Modulator? Well, in the Star Trek universe, Bugs would be doing time. Probably in a room filled with Roseanne lookalikes wearing spandex uniforms, walking through doors going WHEET! all day. It would be hell. At least until the Kaboom. The Earth-shattering Kaboom.
Knüpft noch einen auf!
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Kéldorn Männlich


Beiträge: 1 995

Vorname: Michael

Wohnort: Leipzig

Beruf: Staatsdiener


Donnerstag, 21. August 2008, 07:17

RE: Star Trek - Top 10 Dinge zum Hassen

Top 10 Things I Hate About Star Trek
4. A Star Trek quiz:
Kirk, Spock, McCoy, and 'Ensign Gomez' beam down to a planet. Which one isn't coming back?

Er ist tot Jim.
- Diene dem allgemeinen Wohl - Beschütze die Unschuldigen - Erhalte das Gesetz -

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Smals Männlich


Beiträge: 987

Vorname: Philip

Wohnort: Hamburg

Beruf: Student


Donnerstag, 21. August 2008, 16:37

Kann nur zustimmen.

Geil ist aber auch:

Captain: Wie lange brauchen sie dafür?
Techniker: Ah Mindestens 24 Stunden.
Captain: Sie haben 12 Stunden Zeit.
Techniker: Ich mach es ihnen in 8h!

Oder zu Punkt 4.
Omg das Crew Mitglied hat ein Wattebäuschen gegen den Kopf bekommen! Wir können nichts mehr tun.
Aber wir können dem Captain helfen, ich meine so ein Amputierter Kopf lässt sich wider annähen.

Ah wir haben ein Feindliches Schiff!
Alles klar wir schicken alle wichtigen Offiziere, Techniker und Mediziner rüber!

MFG Smals
This is Schäuble. Copy Schäuble into your signature to help him on his way to Überwachungsstaat.
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Lialith Weiblich

Inaktiver Veteran

Beiträge: 241

Vorname: Ina

Wohnort: Wien


Donnerstag, 21. August 2008, 20:01

"and on that day, that final day, we shall have duties for him, we his dark angels shall take the evil souls down into the inferno as is his divine will." - dies irae 'day of wrath', anne rice
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Cerian Männlich


Beiträge: 559

Vorname: Clemens

Wohnort: Herne


Donnerstag, 21. August 2008, 21:01

godlike ^^
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Santi Männlich


Beiträge: 193

Vorname: Sascha


Freitag, 22. August 2008, 11:59

das ist wirklich gut :)
Santi™ - Online Community Wisecracker, Aeterni
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